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The IFS model says that unburdenings are permanent. So if an unburdening is done fully, then theoretically that burden is removed forever from the Exile. This is typically what I see.

That said, if an unburdening was not done throughoughly, an Exile might need the person to go back to really finish a part of the process. Most often this means more witnessing.

In addition, an Exile can have more than one burden. So the Exile could still be a burdened part if the other burden(s) haven't been removed.

Another scenario in which an Exile's unburdening can be "undone" is when that process was not facilitated by Self, but by a Self-Like Part. These are parts that resemble Self because they have similar qualities (like compassion, curiosity, care) but are actually parts and have their own agenda. It can be difficult to identify these parts, even IFS therapists might not realize a client is in a Self-Like Part if the therapist is not alert to the possibility. (More info on Self-Like Parts here - https://seekdeeply.com/ifs-therapy-guide-6-most-common-self-like-parts-framework-blog-post/ ... I'm offering a free workshop on how to untangle yourself from these parts: https://seekdeeply.com/workshop-ifs-therapy/)

Theoretically, if an Exile was unburdened via the therapist's Self rather than the client's, then that part might still mistrust the client's Self.

Hope this helps! Follow up with more questions if you like.

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Hey i was in your first AMA, great to see your back here.

My question would be if your and your daughter's situation, physical and physiological, improved since the last time you did this?

Can you do Cheburashka?

Привіт з Канади!

The paintings you've shown are brightly coloured, and cheerful. I think it would be easy to slip into despair. How do you find inspiration to produce such positive work, in the midst of the current negative situation?

Great question. Jay Earley's approach is to have people apply "classic IFS" to themselves. (Classic IFS = the way IFS is traditionally done with a therapist, it's what you'd learn in an IFS training.) The problem is, when we're doing parts work on our own, classic IFS alone isn't sufficient. Why? When we try this:

1. We try to contain ourselves and guide the process while we're in it. This immediately splits us away from being truly present and away from authentically accepting what arises. This gets us out of Self and into a managerial part
2. It invites in Self-Like Parts (https://seekdeeply.com/ifs-therapy-guide-6-most-common-self-like-parts-framework-blog-post/) like the IFS Enthusiast or Good Student Part. When we're blended with a Self-Like Part, there isn't space for Self
3. If we think we're in Self and we're not, our other parts are likely to mistrust us and stop the process. They might even start mistrusting IFS itself.

Ultimately, expecting ourselves to be able to do classic IFS on ourselves is a set-up for failure ... which then leads to thinking we're at fault. Or even worse, that something is inherently wrong with us that we can't get into Self.

Speaking from both clinical and personal experience here! (I used to wonder if something was wrong with my Self energy.)

Caveat: Trying "classic IFS" does work for some people for a short amount of time. But it seems that once our parts figure out what we're doing, they refuse to participate. It's very common to have initial success with doing IFS on yourself (via classic IFS) and then find that it just doesn't go anywhere. Talk about confusing and frustrating!

TL;DR: I teach people rituals to provide containment and a skillset that sidesteps this no-therapist-present problem. Jay Earley's book can be useful for learning the principles of IFS as long as you take it lightly and know something extra is needed to make IFS a lifelong self-healing tool

Thank you for the AMA :)

- What do you do in moments where you would need direct access beacuse there is no Self present but you cant reach anyone who know direct access? Like when you are pretty much fully blended with a part and it doesnt know how to unblend even though it wants to but its like it is the only "person" there in that moment?

- Is there a way to make good decision about difficult life choices like changing jobs etc when many parts have different opinions?

- Do you believe that each of us has something like a calling/soul path or is it "just" choice and learning enough and getting good at something no matter what it is?

Have a great day, Lucille!

How long does it take to benefit from IFS and how do I know if it is right for me?

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What exactly is IFS therapy, how does it work?

Are there any books you can recommend for self IFS therapy?

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Very cool! How much does it typically cost to have one done?

Edit: The dog kind, not the human kind. :)

I was introduced to IFS by a therapist dabbling in it, it absolutely changed my perspective on my mind and how to view myself. Unfortunately there are no IFS trained therapists in my entire province! I’m a bit wary of working with people who want to do IFS without training.

Is it possible to do deeper work, such as unburdening exiles, with self work?

Is it safe for anyone to do IFS on themselves? Like, are there sometimes it's best to do it with a therapist and not attempt it on your own?

I’ve read Jay Earley’s book “Self Therapy” and done your guided self IFS journey. What are the differences between your approach and Jay’s approach?

Hi! Whats the best way to get started on IFS therapy solo and what reading is recommended to start with?

Hi there! I was curious do unburdened parts ever go back to mistrusting the self or becoming a burdened part?

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I see you do humans with cat ears. Is that a common request?

Are you still taking commissions?

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