Submitted by ThrowRA_Luna t3_zsn821 in relationship_advice
Posting here Just looking for outside opinions. As the title says I’m 31, and I met and have been seeing my GF for 3-4 months now. In our relationship we gad discussed boundaries and agreed we wouldn’t associate or entertain people we have history with. Because of this I stopped associating with multiple people. She has mostly guy friends, which I never really questioned. Her best friend is a guy I’ve met and we’ve had dinner a few times with him.
It’s supposed to be his birthday Friday and I had offered to DD and take a group out and yada yada. While driving home my GF was telling me a story from their past and I could Tell she was being a little defensive about it and I asked why. She kinda avoided it. So I asked her plainly “were you and xxxx ever Romantic” and she replies “we never dated”. So then I ask “so what did you do?” To which she confesses that when they first met they talked and had sex a handful of times; but decided to just be friends and now they are best friends.
This news upset me. I’m not insecure enough to be upset about her sleeping with people before me; that’s just foolish. She said she regrets it now, but I told her she didn’t do anything wrong; people have sex. That’s what we do. She didn’t do anything wrong but the situation itself makes me uncomfortable. I was upset because they are best friends and literally Snapchat back and forth all day every day. He runs errands for her, and they’ve spent 100’s of dollars on each other on Christmas gifts. It just makes me uncomfortable. I trust her, and I don’t perceive him as a threat, and even in my Mind I’m telling myself I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. But I can’t lie and say I’m not uncomfortable and not interested in being around people she’s slept with before and being buddy buddy with them.
We talked at length about it and didn’t turn it into an argument and I even apologized to her for feeling the way I do but I can’t help how something makes me feel. I don’t want to put her in the middle and have to choose cause that’s not fair for her and i really do care about her. But I also have no desire to be around him knowing they have history. I’ve never been the type to remain friends with someone after we’ve slept together and I’ve had several significant relationships and this is the first time I’m dealing with a situation like this. What do y’all think?