Submitted by ChapmangeDude123 t3_105zv0h in tifu
(Burner account on this one). Today I fucked up by shoving a champagne cork up my ass.
I'm 18M and so basicly, I was feeling spicy. (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's being horny.)
It recently came to my attention that massaging your prostate could get you a better and bigger orgasm. There are no "toys" in my house, and the only thing I have left from New Year's is a champagne cork. I just plugged it in because it looked like a makeshift buttplug.
As soon as I put the cork in, I decided the thin part of the cork should stick out and the thick part would be inserted. It went far into my ass as I unintentionally pushed it. (like I could feel it probobly being about 10-12 cm inside). I didn't think of it further and decided to do the deed and deal with it later. I finished of feeling pleased and satisfied of my newly explored results and I suddenly remember that the cork was still up in me and i was kinda puzzled of how i was going to take it saftely out.
I went down to the downstairs bathroom and started pushing like i was going to shit. Nothing happened. A slight panic started to come over me. Imagine what I would explain to the ER nurses. "Ah hello, I shoved a champagne cork up my ass and now I can't get it out.". I started doing squats while i was pushing and about 3 minutes later i felt the cork plop out. I felt relived. Took the cork out of the toilet (with rubber gloves on of course), and threw it in the trashcan.
I walked up to my room with the proud notion that I would skip a trip to the emergency room.
Don't do the same, Im warning you this from my experience.
TL;DR: Using a champagne cork as a makeshift buttplug could lead to getting stuck in your ass.